Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
