He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
