Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
