so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
