two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can't put those talents on a resume
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
