Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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