Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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