It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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