Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
