oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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