shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
