are you so shy because you have an std?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
