chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
