my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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