Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
