Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
