bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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