mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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