dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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