We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
