can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
