I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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