she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
