my soul wont recognize me after tonight
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
