Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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