is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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