i'm lost and i look like a hooker
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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