how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
my poor anus
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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