Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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