All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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