I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
