Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize