Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
