Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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