Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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