i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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