Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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