I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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