I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
