can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Sober January is a disaster.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
