where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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