I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
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