The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
