He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
