he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
