you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
