Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's never too late to be topless.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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