called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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