He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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