Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
