I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize