Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
