no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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