In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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