I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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