If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
