Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
