So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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