He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
