Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
