I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize