My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
