Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
